Birthdays

Birthdays are an interesting thing as you get older.  They become a place of reflection, of considering what one has accomplished, of what one has failed at.  It can cause us to take a closer look at how we spend our time...to review just how much we have wasted in anger and regret, stuck in traffic and behind a desk.  How many first days of schools and little league games have been overlooked.  I spent time today trying to remember as many of my birthdays as I could and found that most are at best vague recollections and at worst completely absent from my memory.

I remember turning 4 and my mother finding chicken pox on me the day of my party and having to have it canceled.

I remember the year I turned 9 and my Hawaiian themed party was almost canceled because of the foot of snow that fell over night.

I remember the year I turned 17 and my mother dragged me up to a ski resort so my brother could snowboard.

I remember going to dinner at Rialto in Harvard Square when I turned 21 and drinking Bailey's on the rocks.

I remember turning 24 in Maycomb, Illinois and my students bought me a grocery store cake tat we ate with our hands in a hotel room.

I remember turning 30 perfectly.  Because everything I had planned for my life was laying in shambles at my feet.  Grilled cheese and tomatoes soup for lunch. An early dinner at Mooo.  Gifts so impersonal they could have been for anyone.

I remember turning 31 in New Orleans and eating Domino's for lunch with co-workers and the cake my husband had my nickname written on.

I remember turning 35 while on a business trip in Boston and the kindness of my co-workers.

So many gaps.  So many years that have blended together.  Do I dare say this will be the year that I try to slow down, live in the moment, taste my coffee, close my laptop?  Maybe I should start now.