Ellipses

The word is from Ancient Greek and means "falling short". I think of it as those three periods that I can use to create run-on sentences at will. But I like its original meaning...that by using them, I am letting you the reader know that this sentence is going to fall short. That something is going to be omitted, or left out or left up to you.

I feel my life as a parent is an ellipses. Like I am constantly trying to play catch-up over falling short in some way. That while I am at work I am slowly being omitted from my children's lives...replaced by the real life version of three periods in a row.

For you little girl

I thought my destiny was a house full of boys.  I imagined a mud room full of sports equipment and rooms cluttered with sports magazines and dirty cloths.  I imagined a loud, messy house with lots of laundry and snack food.  But that all changed when my daughter was born.  A tiny little strawberry blond (who am I kidding, mostly bald) girl.  She was a surprise and came into our family during one of our hardest times.  It always felt like she knew that and so she took it easy on me.  Instead of being what I thought a daughter would be, she was the light that pulled us through.

Her blond hair fits in pigtails now and she is the total boss of her older brother.  She is the girl I never thought I wanted and I couldn't imagine being
without.  Here are my lessons and hopes for her...

1.  You will probably never be happy with your hair

No matter if is straight or curly or thick or thin or short or long, red, blond or brown.  It may always bother you.  I promise to help you embrace what you have and also to teach you how to use curlers, straightening irons and blow dryers.  And I won't get mad no matter how you cut it, or what color you dye it.

2. It's a man's world

Sorry princess but it is.  And the best advice I have to to not play their game.  Even though you grew up with a stay at home dad and have been surrounded by strong women who have followed and achieved their dreams, you will make less than your brother because you are a girl.  You will be held to a different standard.  So embrace the gloriousness that is you...and make your own rules.

3.  You don't need to "live up to your potential"

You can exceed it.  Or not.  It's up to you.  Don't listen to the teachers who tell you "you aren't trying hard enough."  Don't succumb to peer pressure and think it's cool not to get good grades.  If you follow your dreams, you'll find them coming true.  Except when they don't...and when that happens...see number 11.

4.  Don't be an idiot

Try to make decisions that won't get you into trouble...I would say avoid getting pregnant until you are ready, don't get arrested for doing drugs or driving under the influence, and because you are three now, try not to eat any batteries.  That gives you a lot of ground.  If you want to have sex, tell me.  I won't ask questions and I don't want to hear the details, but I will make sure you go to the doctor and talk to them about birth control.  If you decide to try drugs or drink don't do it on school property and don't get in a car.  If you decide to eat a battery...well I'm just going to take it away from you.

5.  You are smart + clever + kind + thoughtful + patient...

You are so much more than beautiful.  Your generosity and kindness radiate from you.  You are more patient with me than I deserve.  Yes, you are also beautiful.  But you are more than that and I will spend as much time as I can reminding you of that.  We spend too much time telling our girls they are beautiful and our boys they are smart.  Don't ever forget no matter how beautiful you become that doesn't define you.  Just like how old you were when you started talking doesn't, or your reputation in high school doesn't.  You will always be more than one word, even if that one word is a good one.

6.  Be your own princess

A princess doesn't have to wait around for her prince or take the passive road through life.  Even Disney is on-board with this now (mostly).  Being a princess means you value yourself above all else.  That you treat yourself well.  But it is more than how you feel about yourself...it is how you treat others.  A princess is kind and thoughtful to others.  A princess doesn't judge those who are different from her and seeks to be good to everyone (even though you won't always be and that's OK).

7.  I hope you fail

Not at the big things of course, but at a few small things along the way.  While success is awesome and aspirational we learn a lot more from our failures than our successes.  It is through failure that we find our strength and re-examine ourselves.  My fear is that failure will break you.  It becomes all to easy to use failure as an excuse to put our dreams aside for the safe, but less fulfilling path.

I promise to always encourage you and remind you of your dreams.  To help you reach them and to be here when/if you don't.  Failure should never define you...

8.  You are wicked cool


It doesn't matter how much others love you.  One of the secrets to a happy life is to love who you are, what you stand for and what you do.  This is not as easy as it sounds for some.  I promise to remind you of how cool you are.  How amazing you are.  How you are and have always been my light.  But you will have to feel that on the inside...and that my girl is something only you can do.

9.  It's your body

...and you only get one.  This means think twice about what you do to it.  That means boys and girls.  It means tattoos and piercings and drugs.  You're smart and I trust your judgment.  The tattoo you get when you're 18 won't bother me...neither will the nose ring...or dating a lot of guys or girls.  But what I want to make sure is that you respect yourself enough to make decisions that make you feel good about yourself.  I promise to try and model that behavior...and to never judge you...and to love you...no matter what.

10.  Don't compromise on your dreams

Write and dream and paint and pretend acorn tops are fairy hats and the cat is magic.  Your youth and your life are more valuable than to be spent behind a desk.  Do something you love and when you find someone you love don't ever compromise your dreams for theirs.

11.  Welcome Home!

You can always come home.  For breaks from school, for dinner, for the holidays, to stay awhile if life has thrown you a curve ball.  That's what family is.  It means always having a place where people love you no matter what.  And who will always be excited to see you.  I promise to always have a place for you, because little girl I was your first home.  And I figure that is the least I can do.

I love you Fia girl...

Mom