We say we compromise all the time. We compromise on what movie to watch with friends or what color to paint the bathroom. The President says Congress needs to compromise in order to balance the budget or pass a jobs bill. But compromise isn't the right word for any of this. These are not examples of compromise. At least not in the way we mean it. Just like we use "near miss" to mean "wow that was close" instead of what it actually means...that we hit something. Or we say that the town was decimated by the hurricane, when in fact if the town was decimated only 1/10 of it was damaged...instead of nearly all of it.
I have been thinking a lot about what it means to compromise and when you boil it down to the basics, to compromise means for each party to give up something in exchange of coming to an agreement. Doesn't this really mean that everyone loses? Think of it this way. You would hear someone say they would never compromise on their morals or principles. So why would they then compromise on the type of house they want to buy, the job they want to have or what they watch on TV? If our principles and morals are not something we would change, or "give an inch on" why would we give that inch elsewhere?
The answer is we don't. There are just certain fights that we choose not to engage in. Should we watch the Phillies or the Red Sox game on TV? They play at the same time, we can't watch both because we don't have a screen in screen TV. You could argue a compromise is flip between the two games but then neither person is happy because you aren't really watching either. So one person will call it a compromise and say, "let's just watch the Phillies tonight." But they haven't compromised. They have given up.
So stop compromising and start choosing your battles. Fight the fights that you won't give an inch on and ignore the rest. It may just mean a step closer to being happy...
