We

I remember when I was first in a serious relationship and one night on the phone with my mother I responded, "oh we're fine." She hadn't asked about us. She had asked about me. But somehow in our coupling I had changed my I to We. Years later when I found myself single again I had a lot of trouble reverting back to saying I. My instinct was to respond as though I was speaking for someone in addition to myself. I more I thought about it, the more I realized that when we answer for We we are saying something. Every word has meaning. So I did some research and in addition to discovering that people in Fiji have 6 distinct words for We I found some other interesting facts about a word that doesn't get much thought.

The Inclusive We: this is the one we use when the person is with us. So my Jen and I were going to lunch and someone asked where we were going and I said "oh We are going to lunch." It is inclusive because Jen was with me. This is the most common use of the word and honestly the one that is least interesting.

The Exclusive We: this is the one I use too much. When my mother asks how I am and I say "oh We are fine" and I include my fiance and son in that We, except they are not there with me, and in fact they may not be fine. I am simply speaking for them. I am removing their voice. We use this meaning all the time and perhaps should rethink it. We say it in the business world: "oh We would be happy to make those changes." When the person who has to make them wasn't even at the meeting. Or in our personal lives: "We are so happy for you." When we know our spouse doesn't care that our friend from college is getting married. It is an inauthentic use of the word, and provides us a great opportunity to continue to hide behind language.

The Royal We/The Editorial We: the Royal We apparently (thank you Wikipedia) has it roots from when kings would say We meaning: "God and I." It isn't used that way anymore and is now more often called the Editorial We. Used when one person is speaking for many. Think the exclusive We except instead of just talking about your spouse you are talking about an entire political party. This We puts people into the role of being a voice of the masses - it is probably less inauthentic then the exclusive we because people know that speakers are not in fact speaking on behalf of everyone - but its use still creates a feeling of urgency or importance that the word I would not create.

The Author's We: this is where we use We to refer to a generic third person. "When We mix yeast and warm water the yeast rises." It is essentially used to shorten a sentence, either written or stated, in replacement of the word "someone".

The Patronizing We: isn't this the best kind? "Did we walk the dog today?" "Did we forget to take out the trash?" We use it to draw attention to something we wanted someone else to do...and usually they didn't. It is a wonderfully passive aggressive way to bust someones balls.

The English language is a fascinating thing and even among native born speakers so much can be lost in translation. Did my mother notice that as my marriage collapsed "We" went from being "great" to "good" to "fine" to "busy"? What if I had been answering just for myself? Would I have answered differently then We did?

The categories of the word We noted above came from Wikipedia - the insight/ramblings about them, well that's all me :)

Thoughts in Motion

My commute to work has changed drastically, leaving me with 12 hours a week of time. Just time, while the world rushes past the train windows. I leave Portland so long before the sunrises that I am in a different state by the time it peaks red and orange and yellow above the farm land. I try not to see it as lost time. Try to maximize it. Reading, working, thinking. But it is that third that has gotten me hung up. Too much time with ones own mind is a dangerous thing. Is it scripture that says "idle hands are the devils work" or something like that? To me it is an idle mind.

So I try to capture the sense of calm and one day at a time attitude I so easily embraced in New Orleans. But it seems to slip away a little each day. I grind my teeth again, have migraines again, wish away entire weeks and then find myself on a train. With nothing but time. To think about what I've missed, what I've left behind and what is ahead. The train may be my embodiment of hell. Especially when the guy behind me won't stop singing along to his iPod.