How long has it been now since I have heard the sound of my heels echoing down the metal ramps of the schools trailers. Since I have pushed open heavy metal doors to have meet air so humid, so thick that it would stop me in my tracks. Since I have walked down a hallway full of young men on the brink of becoming.
So much change so quickly. So much started and stopped and started again. So many places we can never return to. Important to remember that just because there are some places we can return to doesn't mean we should.
And I miss...sunrises over the Mississippi River, the sound of Jazz music on Royal Street, mornings on Bourbon Street, Cafe Ole and beignets, Miller McCoy, my boys, Jackie and Ben, Monica, all my TeachNola friends, daiquiris to go, Fritzels, Uncle Barry, drinking on the railroad tracks and sharing one large chair with Huey.
I hold onto the sound of my heals. The smell of the humid morning air. The city that played an integral role in my healing. The year that forever changed me for the better.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Time to Test the Theory
As one of my New Years Projects (remember no resolutions for me this year...they just end in, well, failure). Which is a nice segway into this project. Since I now have what seems like extra time on my hands (really it's just trapped time)...as I spend 9+ hours on a train each week in nice 2 1/2 hour blocks...I have decided it is time to take my theory on failure and test it.
This is where you loyal blog readers can help. This link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/P8KZW6F will ask you 10 questions about failure. Your answers will help me further formulate my theory...and I promise to share some of those results here with you!
Also...I just noticed my title is 5 words all starting with T. Totally unintentional on my part. I wonder if you could write a paragraph with just words that started with T? Or a page? Perhaps that will be next years New Years Project...
This is where you loyal blog readers can help. This link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/P8KZW6F will ask you 10 questions about failure. Your answers will help me further formulate my theory...and I promise to share some of those results here with you!
Also...I just noticed my title is 5 words all starting with T. Totally unintentional on my part. I wonder if you could write a paragraph with just words that started with T? Or a page? Perhaps that will be next years New Years Project...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
New Year, New Thoughts
The fact that 2010 is almost over continues to amaze me. The last year has brought so much change and been so wonderful its conclusion has me both excited and apprehensive for what 2011 will bring.
I moved from New Orleans to Maine in June, my son was born in September and my baby daddy proposed in December. It has been a whirlwind and I have loved every moment of it. I end the year so grateful for all I have and so hopeful for what is to come.
Speaking of that, as I gave up New Years Resolutions long ago, this year I have decided to implement New Years Projects. Instead of swearing off sugar or pretending I will lose the last 10 pounds I want to I will be engaging in two projects in 2011 (in addition to planning a wedding and raising a very active 3 1/2 month old).
The first you will see here on this blog. I am developing a survey to test my theory on failure and with the help of you (all 3 of you who read this) I hope to see if I am heading in the right direction...and then try to publish my findings and their applicability in the business world.
The second you can find here: http://www.icantcometothephone.blogspot.com/. Here I am challenging myself to write a micro story each day inspired by one of my Facebook friends status updates. Don't worry I don't plan on writing about any of them...I am just going to use their words as inspiration. And as part of this I am challenging you loyal readers (all 3 of you) to play along...post your own micro stories...or add to one of mine.
Anyway, whether you have resolutions or projects for 2011 or not. I want to thank all of you who make my life wonderful and challenging and amazing everyday. Without you I would not be where I am today. And where I am, is finally, where I want to be.
Much luck in 2011!
I moved from New Orleans to Maine in June, my son was born in September and my baby daddy proposed in December. It has been a whirlwind and I have loved every moment of it. I end the year so grateful for all I have and so hopeful for what is to come.
Speaking of that, as I gave up New Years Resolutions long ago, this year I have decided to implement New Years Projects. Instead of swearing off sugar or pretending I will lose the last 10 pounds I want to I will be engaging in two projects in 2011 (in addition to planning a wedding and raising a very active 3 1/2 month old).
The first you will see here on this blog. I am developing a survey to test my theory on failure and with the help of you (all 3 of you who read this) I hope to see if I am heading in the right direction...and then try to publish my findings and their applicability in the business world.
The second you can find here: http://www.icantcometothephone.blogspot.com/. Here I am challenging myself to write a micro story each day inspired by one of my Facebook friends status updates. Don't worry I don't plan on writing about any of them...I am just going to use their words as inspiration. And as part of this I am challenging you loyal readers (all 3 of you) to play along...post your own micro stories...or add to one of mine.
Anyway, whether you have resolutions or projects for 2011 or not. I want to thank all of you who make my life wonderful and challenging and amazing everyday. Without you I would not be where I am today. And where I am, is finally, where I want to be.
Much luck in 2011!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Promising Public Happiness
The Foursquare website told me today that "happiness was just around the corner" when I watched their video to see how their website worked. And it got me thinking about the old saying "if a tree falls in the woods and there is no one their to hear it does it make a sound?"
It seems like a more updated version of this today would be to say: "if I experience happiness and I don’t tell anyone did I really experience happiness?"
If I don’t Tweet it or blog it or Facebook it or Foursquare it or Gmail chat it or whatever it is I’m doing did I really experience that moment of happiness?
Is it possible anymore to just experience happiness on our own or are we so tied into social networking and social media and the need to constantly communicate with everyone we know about where we are and what we are doing that our happiness is someone how tied to our ability to share it. What about unhappiness? Can that still be experienced alone...or does it also have to enter a public forum before it can become real?
It seems like a more updated version of this today would be to say: "if I experience happiness and I don’t tell anyone did I really experience happiness?"
If I don’t Tweet it or blog it or Facebook it or Foursquare it or Gmail chat it or whatever it is I’m doing did I really experience that moment of happiness?
Is it possible anymore to just experience happiness on our own or are we so tied into social networking and social media and the need to constantly communicate with everyone we know about where we are and what we are doing that our happiness is someone how tied to our ability to share it. What about unhappiness? Can that still be experienced alone...or does it also have to enter a public forum before it can become real?
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Defining Failure
I posted on Facebook yesterday: "Meleena is thinking about the milestones you don't achieve." And got two responses from friends...one said: "you mean like when i didn't run my first marathon?" and the second said: " or I didn't sleep with keanu reeves yet?"
And as so many things do these days it got me thinking about how we define failure. If we tried to run the marathon but only got to mile 5 is that failure? Or if we have always wanted to run the marathon, but never tried, always assuming it was out of our reach is that failure? Are they both?
We wouldn't say a couple who never tried to have children "failed to have them". But we might say that someone who never visited Paris "failed to see the Eiffel Tower".
I think we can break failure down into two distinct categories. Active failure, i.e. I went to Keanue Reeves home every day for 6 months but failed to sleep with him. And passive failure i.e. despite always wanting to sleep with Keanue Reeves I never even tried to meet him.
So if my life is more defined by my failures then my successes...and I believe it is...should I look at these two types of failures differently? And maybe more importantly can we always tell the difference between them?
And as so many things do these days it got me thinking about how we define failure. If we tried to run the marathon but only got to mile 5 is that failure? Or if we have always wanted to run the marathon, but never tried, always assuming it was out of our reach is that failure? Are they both?
We wouldn't say a couple who never tried to have children "failed to have them". But we might say that someone who never visited Paris "failed to see the Eiffel Tower".
I think we can break failure down into two distinct categories. Active failure, i.e. I went to Keanue Reeves home every day for 6 months but failed to sleep with him. And passive failure i.e. despite always wanting to sleep with Keanue Reeves I never even tried to meet him.
So if my life is more defined by my failures then my successes...and I believe it is...should I look at these two types of failures differently? And maybe more importantly can we always tell the difference between them?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
A Construct of our Failures
I have been thinking a lot since I moved back north about how we recognize the milestones we DON'T reach. The job not gotten, the course not completed, the relationship ending. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that our lives are far more a construct of our failures then our successes.
When I first articulated this to Huey he put his head in his hands and said "oh Pookey..." in a sad voice. He had asked me why I was once again re-reading a Jodi Piccoult book, an author who, while I own everything she has ever written I don't like. And I had told him I was reading it because it reminded me of the failure in my own life to become a writer - and maybe it was that failure in addition to the many other that define me today. I had not meant it as a flashback to unhappy teen years, or that I was disappointed in how my life had turned out. Simply that the failures I have experienced, and, despite wanting to think otherwise, they have been many, have done more to shape me than the successes had.
We get a promotion and go out for a drink to celebrate, take on the new responsibilty, work longer hours, spend more time away from our friends and family, make more money and call it a success. We lose our job due to downsizing, are unemployed for 6 months, rack up credit card debt, put a strain on our marriage, spend more time watching our kids play baseball, become an expert in something that used to be a hobby, find our life more meaningful then ever before and call it a failure.
This isn't about blind optimism and it's not about seeing a silver lining on clouds. It's about taking a good look at who we are, who we were and who we want to be and recognizing that sometimes we need to fail in order to get where we want to go.
Huey came around to my way of thinking when it occurred to him that even our relationship was the result of a series of failures in both of our lives...had either of us not experienced even one, we never would have met and today would look very different.
So how do we measure the milestones we don't reach? By remembering them, and by recognizing what we have gained or learned in our failure to reach them. My life is a construct of my failures...and I feel pretty good about that.
When I first articulated this to Huey he put his head in his hands and said "oh Pookey..." in a sad voice. He had asked me why I was once again re-reading a Jodi Piccoult book, an author who, while I own everything she has ever written I don't like. And I had told him I was reading it because it reminded me of the failure in my own life to become a writer - and maybe it was that failure in addition to the many other that define me today. I had not meant it as a flashback to unhappy teen years, or that I was disappointed in how my life had turned out. Simply that the failures I have experienced, and, despite wanting to think otherwise, they have been many, have done more to shape me than the successes had.
We get a promotion and go out for a drink to celebrate, take on the new responsibilty, work longer hours, spend more time away from our friends and family, make more money and call it a success. We lose our job due to downsizing, are unemployed for 6 months, rack up credit card debt, put a strain on our marriage, spend more time watching our kids play baseball, become an expert in something that used to be a hobby, find our life more meaningful then ever before and call it a failure.
This isn't about blind optimism and it's not about seeing a silver lining on clouds. It's about taking a good look at who we are, who we were and who we want to be and recognizing that sometimes we need to fail in order to get where we want to go.
Huey came around to my way of thinking when it occurred to him that even our relationship was the result of a series of failures in both of our lives...had either of us not experienced even one, we never would have met and today would look very different.
So how do we measure the milestones we don't reach? By remembering them, and by recognizing what we have gained or learned in our failure to reach them. My life is a construct of my failures...and I feel pretty good about that.
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Last Days
Less then two weeks remain in NOLA. There is always a business that takes over the waining days you have in a place. And while there is so much to look forward to, there is also so much I will miss. The undertone of this - the compare and contrast if you will - is that while I spend my final days in NOLA one of my brothers oldest friends is spending the final days of his life. After a heroic battle with cancer that has dictated his life for the past 18 months he has been admitted to hospice and well...
I wish my students could have met this young man. Who faced every challenge in his life as an opportunity, saw the good in all those around him and while I didn't always understand the decisions he made, lived the life he chose for himself to the fullest. He has spent the last 18 months since his diagnosis surrounded by people who love him. Engaging in the things he was passionate about and not wasting one day. I have said often over the past 18 months that while his illness is tragic, he has been lucky to have had the chance so many of us never do. To truly live his life...and the real amazing thing about this young man is that he did that even before he knew it would be cut short.
I want my boys here in NOLA who see death everyday through violence and drugs to understand that we always do have choices about the way we chose to live - even if don't get to make them about the way we die. That hopes and dreams can survive and be made into realities even when it seems like the world has dealt us a bad hand.
When we first found out he was sick I had already made my decision to leave Boston, but his illness served as a reminder that we really do have to make the best of each day. Even when they are full of work and stress and deadlines and it all starts to feel like we just have to get through it so we can get on to the next thing. Life is the getting through it. It took me 30 years and moving across the country to see that. To slow down. To not let future plans good and bad take away from the here and now.
So I may only have 11 days left in NOLA. And they may be full days full of meetings and packing and friends and students. But I never get them again and so I will hold on to each of them as they pass...enjoy my students - even when I want to beat them with a belt...enjoy my work - even when the paperwork feels overwhelming and enjoy my friends because while I know I will keep in touch with some, many I only had this year with and despite that short time they made an imprint on me and that is worth staying in the moment for.
My love to everyone back home and here. I am grateful for all days past and for this one. Always for this one.
I wish my students could have met this young man. Who faced every challenge in his life as an opportunity, saw the good in all those around him and while I didn't always understand the decisions he made, lived the life he chose for himself to the fullest. He has spent the last 18 months since his diagnosis surrounded by people who love him. Engaging in the things he was passionate about and not wasting one day. I have said often over the past 18 months that while his illness is tragic, he has been lucky to have had the chance so many of us never do. To truly live his life...and the real amazing thing about this young man is that he did that even before he knew it would be cut short.
I want my boys here in NOLA who see death everyday through violence and drugs to understand that we always do have choices about the way we chose to live - even if don't get to make them about the way we die. That hopes and dreams can survive and be made into realities even when it seems like the world has dealt us a bad hand.
When we first found out he was sick I had already made my decision to leave Boston, but his illness served as a reminder that we really do have to make the best of each day. Even when they are full of work and stress and deadlines and it all starts to feel like we just have to get through it so we can get on to the next thing. Life is the getting through it. It took me 30 years and moving across the country to see that. To slow down. To not let future plans good and bad take away from the here and now.
So I may only have 11 days left in NOLA. And they may be full days full of meetings and packing and friends and students. But I never get them again and so I will hold on to each of them as they pass...enjoy my students - even when I want to beat them with a belt...enjoy my work - even when the paperwork feels overwhelming and enjoy my friends because while I know I will keep in touch with some, many I only had this year with and despite that short time they made an imprint on me and that is worth staying in the moment for.
My love to everyone back home and here. I am grateful for all days past and for this one. Always for this one.
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